相信报应吗？

原来拒绝一个人会失去另一个人。

只不过，从来就没有得到过，如何失去？

我又累了。
２５岁的我似乎很容易累，很容易受挫折，很容易想要放弃。
对于没有把我，如此千变万化的感情，有时候真的没有比较好。

应该怎么说呢，
感觉现在的生活好像还挺不错。
虽然我的粗心大意有点让工作没有想象中的理想，但是应该不会糟糕到要炒我鱿鱼。

另外一半虽然没有爱到死去活来。。。

seriously. SERIOUSLY. 

No wonder I want to quit and no wonder everyone wants to quit. 

I am SO GLAD this is my last few days here. 

3 more hours for today.

6 for tomorrow.

8 for Friday.

I am so determined to leave and start an un-insulted life.

Breathe in breathe out.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

Just because it isn't our first language doesn't mean we can't speak it.

And just because it is your first language doesn't mean you understand everything spoken in it.

It's no wonder why some companies and countries can't move forward.

井底之蛙

Everything seems to be going on pretty smoothly.
Like I mean EVERYTHING.

Well, of course there would be some minor hiccups here and there,
Like my blabbering about all the fun time I've had before I decided to settle with him,
Like my supposed lack of commitment and IT skills for freelancing
Like my completely hopeless complexion
Like my absolute lack of ability to stop snacking and start working out

BUT other than these small issues, everything seems to be just fine.
My new job is more or less secured,
My new apartment is more or less move-in-able
My new boyfriend is more or less stable and fun and sane

I am so going to rock my life starting from the new FY2015

GOGOGO

RELAX and PLAN

I guess when too many good things happen together, I can't seem to process well.
I get dizzy with happiness and forget to thread carefully.
This time, I am going to take things slowly and carefully.

Making a list ALWAYS HELPS:

1) SIGN CONTRACT (without that, you are nowhere near anything)
2) CONFIRM STARTING DATE (negotiate for 1 May. If they want you, they can wait 10 more days)
3) RESIGN
4) CONFIRM MOVING IN DATE
5) BOOK MOVING COMPANY
6) START PACKING
7) START MOVING SMALL STUFFS

Start afresh

I feel like I am THIS close to getting a new perfect life. Well, maybe not perfect, but everything seems to be falling into place. A little too miraculously. I guess the previous mishaps and all those fails have made me kinda jittery and worried.

And I guess I now have the habit of not hoping too much. Because the lesser you hope for, the less disappointed you will be. And also, to move on step by step.

GOALS:
- Move into my OWN place so I will not be tied down by anyone
- Get my freelance work fixed and constant (BUT also note that freelance work must either be HIGH PAYING or value adds to resume)
- New job? (BUT make sure that it is better than what I have now, in terms of salary, MORE IMPORTANTLY, resume value)
- Stop dating indiscriminately. (I AM GOOD ENOUGH TO CHOOSE)
- Love myself, love mom and dad

Even if everything is not perfect, I am moving to a better future.
JIAYOU

I think I'm really falling. Falling in love.
Can't stop thinking about you.
It's weird. Just when I thought I was skeptical about everyone and everything.
My vampire from Mars

Crisis in the form of a MARTIAN

Okay I am like SO going crazy. so there is like so much problems with my moving in and everything. I mean like I don't think that guy is trying to con my money or whatever, but SERIOUSLY, I already TOLD you that I'm broke, and there you are trying to get more money out of me every other day. SERIOUSLY. Can you please do your homework and make sure you KNOW how international transactions and shipping work before just sending your keys to God knows where? And now you have to ask me for air ticket money. Seriously. You have got to be kidding. I'M BROKE. Which part of this do you NOT understand? Whatever, I have already tried my best. I even LOOKED for flights for you. Hopefully you can just take take Ethiad and save us ALL some trouble.

On another note, employment seems to be looking not bad. NEVER ASSUME YOU ARE HIRED UNTIL YOU SIGN THE CONTRACT. Yes, that will be the motto I live by now. @Aroma looks kind of promising. But I will wait around for TELL too. And if everything with MogMog works out, THAT would be really good. But for now, I can only be patient and wait.

And of course, somehow, most unexpectedly, I think I'm falling for someone. Maybe 2 people. Haven't felt like that in awhile. Maybe with Justin, but recently, everyone that I have feelings for are either attached or just plain UNINTERESTED. FRIEND-ZONED. Whatever. Brian was cool. But he's leaving. And now, my vampire from Mars. I'm falling. And falling fast.

Help.

Need to pen some thoughts again.
Makes it clearer to think this way.

TO-DO:
- MogMog articles (for completion: Okinawa, Moomin, for proposal: Asakusa)
- Research on Geisha stereotypes and draft outline
- Moving house quotations and date
- More writing assignments (Online cooking translation -> Mike)

TO-MEET:
- Peter
- Mark
- Leo
- Brian
- Eidan?
- MTW
- Shun's graduation 25/3
- Blender 28/3

Priorities.

I need a breather.

From what I'm not sure.
From work definitely, but not just from work.
From stressing about what to do with my life.
From worrying about money and housing.
From waiting around for boys and dates.

 I NEED A BREAK

Reminiscence

It struck me suddenly.
I couldn't even recall exactly when and where.

Might have been on the train on my way home.
Or when I was showering.

But I just couldn't let it go.
The melody, especially the chorus was so FRESH in my mind.
I could hear it so very clearly.

But the lyrics were fuzzy.

So with the trusty help of Google, I found it.
First the Chinese version. 海誓山盟？No, wait.
排山倒海. That's the one.

Watched the MV which is mainly snippets from the movie.
Now what movie was that. Definitely not Titanic.
I THINK it might have been Pearl Harbor.

And it was. Looked for everything about it.
The original, the lyrics, the MV.
And like a crazy teenager who just fell out of love,
I started crying.
Just like that without warning.

Was that pent up stress, bad romances, or just plain foolishness?

In my dreams I'll always see you
Soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be
A place for you for all my life.

I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Everyday is a special day.
Everyday is full of surprises.

Just when I thought some people have left my life,
they come bursting through my phone and chats again.

It's time to put on a #littleblackdress and head out to party.

RESOLUTIONS and DISTRACTIONS

有好多想发泄的情绪。

I guess I'm reaching my tipping point again.
My quarter life crisis seems to be alarming my entire system.
Physically and mentally. Tiring.

The fear of what can become of me if I don't change.
The anxiety of what awaits if I do change.

And of course,
the hopelessness and despondence,
the lethargy and listlessness.

It's a new year for goodness sake, why so down?
I need to set some resolutions. AND MEET THEM.

1. Start learning a new language (DECIDE Korean or Spanish)
2. Start taking my writing seriously (There are MANY avenues to that)
3. Beautify myself (Complexion, tummy/abs, thighs -> DETOX, TONE)
4. Career goals and plans
5. Study goals and plans
6. TRAVEL

Okay, something is definitely not right.
Making lists used to calm me down.
Yet, I still feel frightfully at loss.

#resolutions
#toomanydistractions

应该有快两年多没有po文章了吧。

今天突然很感慨，好像终于遇到了能让我心动的人。

不是为了恋爱而恋爱的人。

不是因为寂寞而喜欢的人。

但是今天却从人家老哥口中得知他已有个年服装设计的日本女朋友时，

顿时又不知所措了。

小惠已经好久没有不知所措了。

这次也得振作起来，不让自己被打倒。

大家都说我会找到幸福。

索然我一直处于悲观，而今天也再次证明了幸福不会轻易属于我，

但天还是一样的蓝，花还是一样的香。

也许这就是我放胆去玩的机会吧。

我要出去玩了。